Heartbroken

Well, it's decided. After a little over a year of sweat and physical development, I'm visiting my dojo tonight to let them know I need to discontinue my membership. It's something that is unavoidable, I know, but I can't help but feel really depressed about it. I know I'm not the strongest or the fastest (and never will be), and I know that I can no longer justify getting there for class twice a week when it takes 30-45 minutes to get there from work, another hour in class itself, and then a 30-minute drive home that will likely double due to impending construction on the Ryan. But the thought of not being there, encouraged by the helpful sensei and the supportive people I work out with (well, most of them) makes this feel like some sort of break-up.

Martial arts is the most rewarding athletic undertaking I have ever experienced, but the bottom line is it sucks up time that I need to start using to work on my thesis. I wish this was not the case, but I need to face up to the fact that I've been taking on extra activities so I can justify not writing. And I can't do it anywmore. Maybe I can find a place to keep pursuing this that's closer to home, or maybe I can resume my training once I make progress on my manuscript. But for now I just don't have the motivation to keep everything up, and it's been two weeks since I've gone to class anyway, so this is already a foregone conclusion. At least I made it to an orange belt. To be honest, that's a helluva lot farther than I ever expected to get when I checked the place out to begin with. I guess I should feel proud of what I did accomplish, and accept that sometimes you have to let go of things you really love.