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A sense of longing
Jun. 10th, 2007 11:39 amYou know, I kinda miss how much I used to clamor to get all up on here to broadcast the minutiae of my daily life, random thoughts and observations, fond or not-so-fond memories, or even rambling diatribes about whatever I was finding irksome at the moment.
There isn't any one reason I've cut back....mostly I'm just busy at work, or I'm too tired to think straight, or I'm holding back from those nosy, lurking, cowardly, anonymous-comment people, or I'm pretending that I'm using the time for some novel writing (yeah right).
I can't really say I've moved beyond this whole blog thing, because I still actively read other people's posts and make comments and stay loosely involved, I just can't convince myself that the things I write on here are worth a serious time commitment. Then again, that's the issue I have with my thesis work, and several essays I've long abandoned, and pretty much any other kind of writing that provides an outlet for self-expression. It's like I've locked away any words that reflect my personality, and threw out the dictionary that reminds me of their definition and etymology. That's probably due to insecurity, fear that nobody really gives a shit about what I have to say, not even me, and who the hell am I to presume I have the right to foist my words uninvited upon the world? Deep down I know I'll never run the risk of being some sort of self-obsessed, didactic talking head like certain morally righteous assholes who annoy me by constantly trying to force their agenda upon the rest of the world (i.e.: Jack Thompson, Fred Phelps, etc.) but still, after years of being subjected to readings from people who have no business wielding a pen, I think I've gotten overly cautious about what I release from my head to the point where I cannot write in any form without questioning the merits of each word.
This is something that needs to be rectified, post haste, so if anyone has seen my former self, the early twenty-something girl who seized the opportunity to ramble and spew and create clever turns of phrase with reckless abandon, please tap her on the shoulder and provide directions straight to my house. She's got a plate of dinner waiting and it's gotten quite cold.
There isn't any one reason I've cut back....mostly I'm just busy at work, or I'm too tired to think straight, or I'm holding back from those nosy, lurking, cowardly, anonymous-comment people, or I'm pretending that I'm using the time for some novel writing (yeah right).
I can't really say I've moved beyond this whole blog thing, because I still actively read other people's posts and make comments and stay loosely involved, I just can't convince myself that the things I write on here are worth a serious time commitment. Then again, that's the issue I have with my thesis work, and several essays I've long abandoned, and pretty much any other kind of writing that provides an outlet for self-expression. It's like I've locked away any words that reflect my personality, and threw out the dictionary that reminds me of their definition and etymology. That's probably due to insecurity, fear that nobody really gives a shit about what I have to say, not even me, and who the hell am I to presume I have the right to foist my words uninvited upon the world? Deep down I know I'll never run the risk of being some sort of self-obsessed, didactic talking head like certain morally righteous assholes who annoy me by constantly trying to force their agenda upon the rest of the world (i.e.: Jack Thompson, Fred Phelps, etc.) but still, after years of being subjected to readings from people who have no business wielding a pen, I think I've gotten overly cautious about what I release from my head to the point where I cannot write in any form without questioning the merits of each word.
This is something that needs to be rectified, post haste, so if anyone has seen my former self, the early twenty-something girl who seized the opportunity to ramble and spew and create clever turns of phrase with reckless abandon, please tap her on the shoulder and provide directions straight to my house. She's got a plate of dinner waiting and it's gotten quite cold.
