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Finally, validation for my temperment!
Sep. 23rd, 2007 11:23 amOn good days, I can appreciate the virtues of my disposition. I have a temper that's really slow to burn, and a penchant for listening to others. I also tend to be somewhat quiet and inconspicuous, which in group situations allows me to step back and observe things from a distance.
On bad days, I want to change all of this. I long to express rather than suppress righteous indignation when it arises. I want people to shut up and let me talk for once. And I wish I had a more dominant presence, one that would make people flock to me and give me the power to be more assertive and insistent about fulfilling my desires.
Those are the days when I feel like there's something wrong with me, like I'm too wimpy and boring and invisible to be worth much. I start wondering what it would take to boost my confidence, to rise above my innate urge to be a wallflower.
I was having one of those days this morning until I started reading this book: http://www.amazon.com/Gods-Drink-Whiskey-Stumbling-Enlightenment/dp/0060834501/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-7983322-4889769?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1190567575&sr=8-1
It's been sitting on my shelf for a while, and I started going through it this weekend, because I needed to switch to something a little more cerebral after finishing a couple of unsatisfying novels.
Anyway, in the first essay in this book, the author details his experience in Bangkok, where he and a guide traveled by riverboat to the Grand Palace of Rama. The guide explains his culture's collective goal of gaining control over their emotions, and learning to express them in moderation. Here's a brief passage that took my attention:
"This laid-back disposition is a very palpable aspect of Buddhist culture-- it's part of the atmosphere in many communities. The greatest sin for Cambodians and Thais, for example, is to lose your temper, lose your head. Back in the States, being pushy and aggressive to get your way is often admired as a sign of strength. Such a person must be somebody who knows what he wants and goes for it. Here in Southeast Asia aggressiveness is a sure sign of weakness and lack of discipline."
I can't even express how much better it made me feel, although it made me lament being born into the wrong culture. Moving to the eastern hemisphere isn't a feasible solution though, so I guess I'll just have to work harder at accepting who I am, even if it puts me at odds with American philosophy.
On bad days, I want to change all of this. I long to express rather than suppress righteous indignation when it arises. I want people to shut up and let me talk for once. And I wish I had a more dominant presence, one that would make people flock to me and give me the power to be more assertive and insistent about fulfilling my desires.
Those are the days when I feel like there's something wrong with me, like I'm too wimpy and boring and invisible to be worth much. I start wondering what it would take to boost my confidence, to rise above my innate urge to be a wallflower.
I was having one of those days this morning until I started reading this book: http://www.amazon.com/Gods-Drink-Whiskey-Stumbling-Enlightenment/dp/0060834501/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-7983322-4889769?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1190567575&sr=8-1
It's been sitting on my shelf for a while, and I started going through it this weekend, because I needed to switch to something a little more cerebral after finishing a couple of unsatisfying novels.
Anyway, in the first essay in this book, the author details his experience in Bangkok, where he and a guide traveled by riverboat to the Grand Palace of Rama. The guide explains his culture's collective goal of gaining control over their emotions, and learning to express them in moderation. Here's a brief passage that took my attention:
"This laid-back disposition is a very palpable aspect of Buddhist culture-- it's part of the atmosphere in many communities. The greatest sin for Cambodians and Thais, for example, is to lose your temper, lose your head. Back in the States, being pushy and aggressive to get your way is often admired as a sign of strength. Such a person must be somebody who knows what he wants and goes for it. Here in Southeast Asia aggressiveness is a sure sign of weakness and lack of discipline."
I can't even express how much better it made me feel, although it made me lament being born into the wrong culture. Moving to the eastern hemisphere isn't a feasible solution though, so I guess I'll just have to work harder at accepting who I am, even if it puts me at odds with American philosophy.
