Wanna know what I did this weekend?

Friday: Tamale Hut - small but attentive crowd. A Jim Carroll tribute. Good tamales. Home early to continue Jim Carroll remembrance by watching The Basketball Diaries. Felt like I was right back to being sixteen or seventeen, when I spent many a Friday night home watching movies and wondering what else was in store for me.

Saturday: Up by 9:30 despite staying up till 2. Made an impromptu decision to get my hair trimmed, and was able to get a 10:30 appointment at my salon. Home after that, didn't leave the house for the rest of the day. Made it through Pink's Behind the Music, and her first two albums before I couldn't take it anymore. It's been a long time since I've stopped life to curl up with liner notes and follow along to someone's singing. Dug through a box of wrestling tapes and found a DVD copy of Mystic River, which I've been wanting to re-watch now that I've finished the book. Popped that in and had a dinner of microwave popcorn, a couple Kraft singles, and a couple pickles while I watched. Felt bored and lonely and oversaturated with media, so I went to bed after that.

Sunday: Up by 9:30 feeling headachey from an overabundance of sleep. Was determined to get out of the house and do something so I walked down to the mall, bought myself lunch at Subway, and picked up a couple things that I needed. Called my friend Rob and recruited him for a short road trip to Valpo, where I stocked up on my favorite gummy bears. Home after that, and I cooked myself dinner and did some laundry and got some groceries until Rob wanted me to come back out and see Inglorious Bastards with him. I knew I wouldn't get to sleep early anyway, and I was grateful to him for rescuing me from my funk earlier in the day, so I said sure. We drove as the thunderstorm raged around us, and made it to LaGrange only missing the first few minutes of the film, which was fine cause I've seen it once anyway. Home and in bed by 12:30 and I'm not really feeling the aftermath of that too much.

But as I start my week, I find more than ever that I just want to feel like my life means something. I want to feel like I'm fulfilling my potential. This whole, aimless, drifting, WTF-now dealy is starting to wear out its welcome.

Kiddieland

So it seems yet another source of fond memories and entertainment is no more.

I tried making plans to visit Kiddieland with my niece and nephew before the place shut down, because I thought it would be cool to watch them enjoy the rides and games that I'd gotten so much out of back in the day. Unfortunately I wasn't as proactive as I need to be when trying to get my sister to commit to getting together, and so these plans never materialized.

I still want to commemorate the place in some way though, and for now the best I can do is provide a rapid-fire list of Kiddieland-specific images and sensations that I still carry with me. Can't promise that I'll come back and do a proper essay, but it's definitely being added to my endless list o' writing projects.

1. The smell of fresh ink on the back of my hand after getting it stamped with a word in block letters at the admission turnstile.

2. The rumbling vibration of the tractor engine felt through the seat of the tractor ride. Also, the warmth of my dad's hands over mine on the steering wheel. He would stand on the back of the tractor and help me drive when I was still too small to do it myself. I remember feeling close to him when we did this. Close, and safe and loved.

3. The click of the car door opening and closing when I entered my favorite Mustang in the vehicle merry-go-round.

4. The sugary soft texture of cotton candy on my tongue.

5. The toot of the horn on the motorcycle, also on the vehicle merry-go-round.

6. The glitter-spangled surface of the brightly colored cars that comprised the Kiddie-land version of the spinning teacups. I think that ride was called The Mushroom.

7. Tron and pinball in the arcade.

8. Riding the train out of the park, into the parking lot. Usually this was the last thing we'd do before leaving, so I can recall speeding along, looking out onto 1st Avenue watching the sun set and the street lights turn on.

9. Fastest bumper cars I've ever been on.

10. Seeing my mom grimace anytime there was a mention of The Octopus. Apparently, her one instance of being a passenger on this ride resulted in her getting ill.

11. Feeling rawness in my palms after climbing the rope ladder in the Volcano Island section or pulling myself via rope across a small pool on a raft.

12. Feeling cold water splash on my bare legs (I seemed to always be in shorts at this place) as the above-mentioned raft rocked back and forth.