Wanna know what I did this weekend?

[seabird78]

Friday: Tamale Hut - small but attentive crowd. A Jim Carroll tribute. Good tamales. Home early to continue Jim Carroll remembrance by watching The Basketball Diaries. Felt like I was right back to being sixteen or seventeen, when I spent many a Friday night home watching movies and wondering what else was in store for me.

Saturday: Up by 9:30 despite staying up till 2. Made an impromptu decision to get my hair trimmed, and was able to get a 10:30 appointment at my salon. Home after that, didn't leave the house for the rest of the day. Made it through Pink's Behind the Music, and her first two albums before I couldn't take it anymore. It's been a long time since I've stopped life to curl up with liner notes and follow along to someone's singing. Dug through a box of wrestling tapes and found a DVD copy of Mystic River, which I've been wanting to re-watch now that I've finished the book. Popped that in and had a dinner of microwave popcorn, a couple Kraft singles, and a couple pickles while I watched. Felt bored and lonely and oversaturated with media, so I went to bed after that.

Sunday: Up by 9:30 feeling headachey from an overabundance of sleep. Was determined to get out of the house and do something so I walked down to the mall, bought myself lunch at Subway, and picked up a couple things that I needed. Called my friend Rob and recruited him for a short road trip to Valpo, where I stocked up on my favorite gummy bears. Home after that, and I cooked myself dinner and did some laundry and got some groceries until Rob wanted me to come back out and see Inglorious Bastards with him. I knew I wouldn't get to sleep early anyway, and I was grateful to him for rescuing me from my funk earlier in the day, so I said sure. We drove as the thunderstorm raged around us, and made it to LaGrange only missing the first few minutes of the film, which was fine cause I've seen it once anyway. Home and in bed by 12:30 and I'm not really feeling the aftermath of that too much.

But as I start my week, I find more than ever that I just want to feel like my life means something. I want to feel like I'm fulfilling my potential. This whole, aimless, drifting, WTF-now dealy is starting to wear out its welcome.

Comments

[kittybaby96.livejournal.com]

You know, I've been through these phases a few times before (and kind of including now). My Student Development class taught me that, when you feel all yucky in your skin, it's because you are growing and changing in a way that, while unclear at present, will prepare you for what's next.

Keep the faith, Jenny! I know that awesome things await you (book deal, talk-show circuit, Kindle Bestseller list)

[seabird78.livejournal.com]

That's reassuring, Mary. And thanks for your faith in me!