It woulda been soooo much better if...
Nov. 22nd, 2009 10:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seabird78Jacob Black's line was "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." instead of "Do not get me upset."
But I guess that reference would have been lost on the young-uns that comprise the Twilight saga's target audience. And they're the ones the studios care about, not old lady Jenny, and her need for fan-girl in jokes.
S'alright though. I still managed to get my jollies from New Moon. Mostly by cracking up at inappropriate times, like when everything was supposed to be serious and dramatic, with the score swelling in the background to accent all the SINCERE EMOTION on the screen. Or any time Robert Pattinson displayed his patented, constipated-Marlon-Brando expression. Or during the moment that the woman in the row in front of me started sniffling --thanks to Jacob's heartfelt promise that he would never hurt Bella...never leave her in the lurch the way that Edward did.
Admittedly, I felt a little bit bad about that last one. Maybe even more than a little bit bad. But I couldn't help myself. Mostly because that on-screen moment, really, EVERY moment in the Twilight novels and movies that is supposed to be so swoon-worthy and impactful feels contrived. Hokey. And most of all, inauthentic.
If Stephenie Meyer fails at getting me --- one of the most hopeless of all the hopeless romantics --- to buy her schtick, then clearly she's doing something wrong. But I guess she lost me from the get-go when she failed to make Bella someone I could root for and respect. Kind of hard to do that considering how pitiful and co-dependent and self-loathing that chick is. As I think I mentioned in a previous Twilight-themed entry, I don't need a heroine who embodies all the things I hate about myself. I need one who I can look up to, someone who raises the bar of bad-assery and gives me something to strive for.
Oh well. I can't say my cinematic experience was completely worthless. It allowed me to spend time catching up with my friend Clarise, who was the one who suggested the outing, and it allowed me to enjoy the eye candy that is Taylor Lautner. If only he wasn't so freakin young!!!!!
So yeah, that's how I spent my last day of being 30.
But I guess that reference would have been lost on the young-uns that comprise the Twilight saga's target audience. And they're the ones the studios care about, not old lady Jenny, and her need for fan-girl in jokes.
S'alright though. I still managed to get my jollies from New Moon. Mostly by cracking up at inappropriate times, like when everything was supposed to be serious and dramatic, with the score swelling in the background to accent all the SINCERE EMOTION on the screen. Or any time Robert Pattinson displayed his patented, constipated-Marlon-Brando expression. Or during the moment that the woman in the row in front of me started sniffling --thanks to Jacob's heartfelt promise that he would never hurt Bella...never leave her in the lurch the way that Edward did.
Admittedly, I felt a little bit bad about that last one. Maybe even more than a little bit bad. But I couldn't help myself. Mostly because that on-screen moment, really, EVERY moment in the Twilight novels and movies that is supposed to be so swoon-worthy and impactful feels contrived. Hokey. And most of all, inauthentic.
If Stephenie Meyer fails at getting me --- one of the most hopeless of all the hopeless romantics --- to buy her schtick, then clearly she's doing something wrong. But I guess she lost me from the get-go when she failed to make Bella someone I could root for and respect. Kind of hard to do that considering how pitiful and co-dependent and self-loathing that chick is. As I think I mentioned in a previous Twilight-themed entry, I don't need a heroine who embodies all the things I hate about myself. I need one who I can look up to, someone who raises the bar of bad-assery and gives me something to strive for.
Oh well. I can't say my cinematic experience was completely worthless. It allowed me to spend time catching up with my friend Clarise, who was the one who suggested the outing, and it allowed me to enjoy the eye candy that is Taylor Lautner. If only he wasn't so freakin young!!!!!
So yeah, that's how I spent my last day of being 30.
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no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 04:59 am (UTC)GAWD, Taylor Lautner should not be that damn hot! I want one. :-(
no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 11:37 pm (UTC)I want one too! Maybe there's a way we can clone him? :0
no subject
Date: 2009-11-24 07:31 pm (UTC)Other shit I didn't like:
Volturi = not scary. The one dude looked like he was going to call for tea and crumpets or just break into song. Their thrones were stupid. The one guy looked like he was coming out of anesthesia.
I also hated Edward's gross suitcoat he kept wearing plus the coat of Lipfinity he was surely wearing.
Kristen Stewart mumbles for the win! Thanks to be not understanding you.
All the mundanes who get short shrift in the book (Mike, Charlie, Eric) were actually funny and more enjoyable than the Bella/Edward/Jacob death trio.
Though I liked Taylor Lautner. He seemed to be the only one doing anything interesting on screen.
Overall, New Moon the book is poorly paced and dull plot-wise, so we shouldn't be surprised. But so was Twilight the book and they managed to correct this in Twilight the movie so I expected the same thing in second film.
Also, I hate that they call it a "SAGA". Um, a saga features mythic heroes and heroines and gods and battles and has been passed down orally around campfires for thousands of years. While I confess to being sucked into this teenage clit-tickler of a series, a "SAGA" it ain't.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-24 10:07 pm (UTC)Thanks for making my day!