A sense of longing

[seabird78]

You know, I kinda miss how much I used to clamor to get all up on here to broadcast the minutiae of my daily life, random thoughts and observations, fond or not-so-fond memories, or even rambling diatribes about whatever I was finding irksome at the moment.

There isn't any one reason I've cut back....mostly I'm just busy at work, or I'm too tired to think straight, or I'm holding back from those nosy, lurking, cowardly, anonymous-comment people, or I'm pretending that I'm using the time for some novel writing (yeah right).

I can't really say I've moved beyond this whole blog thing, because I still actively read other people's posts and make comments and stay loosely involved, I just can't convince myself that the things I write on here are worth a serious time commitment. Then again, that's the issue I have with my thesis work, and several essays I've long abandoned, and pretty much any other kind of writing that provides an outlet for self-expression. It's like I've locked away any words that reflect my personality, and threw out the dictionary that reminds me of their definition and etymology. That's probably due to insecurity, fear that nobody really gives a shit about what I have to say, not even me, and who the hell am I to presume I have the right to foist my words uninvited upon the world? Deep down I know I'll never run the risk of being some sort of self-obsessed, didactic talking head like certain morally righteous assholes who annoy me by constantly trying to force their agenda upon the rest of the world (i.e.: Jack Thompson, Fred Phelps, etc.) but still, after years of being subjected to readings from people who have no business wielding a pen, I think I've gotten overly cautious about what I release from my head to the point where I cannot write in any form without questioning the merits of each word.

This is something that needs to be rectified, post haste, so if anyone has seen my former self, the early twenty-something girl who seized the opportunity to ramble and spew and create clever turns of phrase with reckless abandon, please tap her on the shoulder and provide directions straight to my house. She's got a plate of dinner waiting and it's gotten quite cold.

Comments

Eureka Springs

[ladysankofa.livejournal.com]

Chalupa night tomorrow night.

Wish you were here :)

Re: Eureka Springs

[seabird78.livejournal.com]

So do I. Both because I miss you and because I could really use some chalupas and a margarita right about now.

[ladysankofa.livejournal.com]

There is a new vegetarian place in town--up on Wall Street--that has smoothies and a juice bar and veggie wraps of all sorts and sushi. I'm meeting KJ there for lunch today.

I'm in Tulip this summer and rightnow it's just pouring outside--no walk this morning :(

Any word from Michael lately?

[seabird78.livejournal.com]

That new veggie place sounds yummy! You'll have to let me know if it's worth trying out if I can ever make it back.

I think Tulip is the only room I haven't seen the inside of yet. Hope it's keeping you dry and cozy as the storm continues.

And actually, I just got an e-mail from Michael yesterday. He and Ros are buying a house at the end of the month. Michael, you around to provide a comment on this for Mary? :)

[mdatl.livejournal.com]

I am, and I am. In that order. We close on the 29th, and I don't see how we'll manage it--but we will. Now we're figuring out what repairs to ask for post-inspection report; I gotta try and schedule contractors to look at the biggest issues, hopefully by Wed. Next week we'll sign and hand over the loan paperwork. Amidst all this, I'm teaching all summer, and we're going to Boston/M. Vineyard for four nights on the 22nd.

Of course, I'm sure all the other LJ lurkers are terribly interested. But that's my life right now. I'm past the anxiety part, I think; now it's mostly drudgery and a bunch of paperwork. Maybe a little more haggling to come with these repairs.

My kingdom for a chalupa.