Ode to a diminished passion
Sep. 28th, 2007 04:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seabird78On the way to work this morning, I was thinking about how weird it is that the Ted Petty Invitational Tournament is happening this weekend, and I’m feeling nothing if not indifferent. I mean, I know it’ll be great wrestling and all, and a teeny tiny part of me still wants to go, but more than likely, other priorities will win out.
If you would have told me I’d have this attitude following my first TPI in 2004, I likely would have laughed my ass off. I mean, for a while there, Mike and I LIVED to attend IWA Midsouth shows. We took road trips to towns we’d never heard of, suffered through poorly heated and air-conditioned venues, sat amongst crowds of less than 40 people…. For almost two years, Ian Rotten and family commandeered more weekends than I can count, and we thanked him for it. It was easy to feel totally consumed by that whole scene, to be convinced that this microcosm had our names etched and then stamped and then signed in permanent marker all over it. Ultimately, that sensation was fleeting, but while it lasted, it was totally addictive.
That being said, let me be clear that I have no delusions about our level of commitment. I mean, I know that in the grand scheme of IWA fandom, we were dilettantes, maybe even fair-weather friends. The only merch we ever bought were tapes, we kept our distance from most other fans, and we very rarely approached the wrestlers hanging out after their matches. Unfortunately, that didn’t diminish our sense of ownership of this community, or our righteous indignation when it started to fail us.
To be fair, I should probably acknowledge that IWA’s fall from the grace of my heart was inevitable. My expectations and regard for all things Rotten were too elevated to sustain for long, especially when they clashed with the reality of his response to the AAW nonsense, one too many broken promises concerning scheduled workers, and the increasingly intolerable behavior of the typical IWA fan (the latter by far the deal-breaker). But knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to accept that it was so easy to lose my passion for something once so revered.
There’s still a slight possibility we’ll make it to the second night of the tournament, and deep down, I’m hoping we will; it’ll give IWA a chance to redeem itself, to remind me of what made me feel so devoted in the first place before I write them off completely. But the chances of that happening are not too likely, so I may just have to find another basket, wrestling-related or otherwise, to put all my eggs in.
If you would have told me I’d have this attitude following my first TPI in 2004, I likely would have laughed my ass off. I mean, for a while there, Mike and I LIVED to attend IWA Midsouth shows. We took road trips to towns we’d never heard of, suffered through poorly heated and air-conditioned venues, sat amongst crowds of less than 40 people…. For almost two years, Ian Rotten and family commandeered more weekends than I can count, and we thanked him for it. It was easy to feel totally consumed by that whole scene, to be convinced that this microcosm had our names etched and then stamped and then signed in permanent marker all over it. Ultimately, that sensation was fleeting, but while it lasted, it was totally addictive.
That being said, let me be clear that I have no delusions about our level of commitment. I mean, I know that in the grand scheme of IWA fandom, we were dilettantes, maybe even fair-weather friends. The only merch we ever bought were tapes, we kept our distance from most other fans, and we very rarely approached the wrestlers hanging out after their matches. Unfortunately, that didn’t diminish our sense of ownership of this community, or our righteous indignation when it started to fail us.
To be fair, I should probably acknowledge that IWA’s fall from the grace of my heart was inevitable. My expectations and regard for all things Rotten were too elevated to sustain for long, especially when they clashed with the reality of his response to the AAW nonsense, one too many broken promises concerning scheduled workers, and the increasingly intolerable behavior of the typical IWA fan (the latter by far the deal-breaker). But knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to accept that it was so easy to lose my passion for something once so revered.
There’s still a slight possibility we’ll make it to the second night of the tournament, and deep down, I’m hoping we will; it’ll give IWA a chance to redeem itself, to remind me of what made me feel so devoted in the first place before I write them off completely. But the chances of that happening are not too likely, so I may just have to find another basket, wrestling-related or otherwise, to put all my eggs in.
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no subject
Date: 2007-09-29 02:37 pm (UTC)the same exact words came out of my mouth last night. Except I said 2005 TPI.
I did end up going, and I did enjoy the show, but yeah, my heart's just not there anymore. It's a difficult thing sometimes because it used to be SO much.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-29 03:05 pm (UTC)Too true. I guess it couldn't be as good as it was forever, right? Unfortunately, this is what I demand. Especially when I've finally realized that his ticket prices don't afford the room for blind loyalty.