Confession

[seabird78]

I'm having second thoughts about going to my 10-year high school reunion this Saturday. I've already paid for my ticket, so I'll go no matter what, but suddenly the prospect of being surrounded a bunch of people who couldn't have cared less about my existence when I was 17 (save for a small handful) and who will probably not remember me now is not that appealing.

Maybe I should just accept my inevitable role as a wallflower, and realize that it's unrealistic to expect people to notice me when I give them no real reason to do so.

Comments

[fuzzilla.livejournal.com]

Oh, come now! You don't have to accept any role you don't want to.

As for high school reunions, the thought of actually going to mine never even crossed my mind. I always say I'd rather be a party with complete strangers than around people I kinda-sorta know, 'cuz with the latter there's all that "well, why don't they remember me? Why haven't I made an impression on them/we haven't become friends yet?" anxiety. Well, it depends which people I kinda-sorta know, I guess...

[seabird78.livejournal.com]

You're right, and thanks for calling me on my own bullshit, and not letting me feel sorry for myself. I guess my biggest problem is I don't know how to break out of that role, and my need to have people pay attention to me or express interest in who I am runs in conflict with the anxiety/discomfort I experience when subjected to scrutiny.

And yeah, I can agree that being around strangers at a party is easier than hanging out with people you only know a little, because at least then if no one makes an effort to interact with you it's understandable, and all those questions you mentioned never come up. But I decided to subject myself to this anyway, mostly out of irresistible curiousity, and because my wallflower status might allow me to approach this as an observer of sociology.